There are moments when your heart cracks wide open … when you’re humbled by the tender beauty another offers from theirs, without attachment.
There are moments when you taste hope peeking between the crevice of old wounds, a seed of restoration, a bright light holding tender aches you’ve long carried.
Tonight, I bow my head to the grace that fills others as they kneel before their truth, surrendering to what is real, unafraid to swim in the Unknown.
What a beautiful offering we give one another — to ourselves, to even the world — when our lips tremble, yet still speak.
What a gift it is to say:
I was wrong.
Please forgive me.
There is gentleness, a soft kiss of Love, within the center of humility, illuminating a strength that penetrates any guarded heart.
And for this, tonight, I give thanks.
You don’t have to be a size 8, have a big ass and large breasts, a small waist, wildly swing your hips, and show copious amounts of cleavage to entice a man. I’m not saying those things aren’t sexy. Of course they are; but there’s much more to what makes a woman alluring … and men instinctively know this.
Confidence is one of the sexiest things in a woman, many men say; but it’s deeper than confidence. What men are really picking up on when they see a woman with that gleam in her eyes, that sultry smile on her face, is the self-awareness of sensuality.
Sexuality is usually associated with sensuality; and though there is a strong correlation between the two, you can be sexual without being entirely sensual, and you can certainly be sensual without being sexual.
Women who are aware of what feels good to them, what arouses their senses (not only their sexual ones) ooze sensuality. A knowingness. These women understand this looks like confidence, but smells like seduction. Empowerment. Being in possession of yourself.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a size 6 or a size 32. If you’ve got it, you’ve got it. And men know it when you walk in a room or look them in the eye.
But this smoldering self-awareness is not about gaining the attention of men, either. Real sensuality becomes so … intoxicating, so enchanting … when its power is harnessed with the intention of being whole, of expressing the fiery, vibrant woman within
… not for the purpose of getting a man’s phone number, but rather for the purpose of being free.
Sensuality is about being in-tune with and expressing the feelings that are elicited when we’re captivated in a moment of pleasure.
It requires curiosity. Awareness.
And an openness to surrender, to be fully present, with what we’re experiencing right now. It allows you to feel passionate and alive
To be aware of your senses and express them is an act of devotion
, of loving self-care. And this changes the way you live.
You begin relishing moments of beauty and finding joy in simplicity, like: a full moon; the smell of campfire; the pull of your bottom lip in a passionate kiss; your child’s laughter.
There’s an acknowledgment of the temporary, that life is fleeting and fragile
, and so to experience it fully, we grant ourselves permission the freedom to feel whatever gives us pleasure, without repression. You bless these experiences. They make you whole because you’re expressing who you truly are.
The truth is: We’re all
sensual. We’re made this way.
Yet, our culture continues to have special adjectives for the more sensually and sexually inclined woman: dirty; naughty; loose; slut; whore; bad. It seems we’re afraid to see, in fact, this woman is often radiant and succulent, fully recognizing her desires. What’s “bad” about that?
What’s “bad” about the woman who wears fishnet stockings with a pencil skirt on a Monday afternoon because she feels hot when she does. Because it makes her feel good. Because she can own that look … you know the one: seductive and suggestive in a classyway. The way a grown woman can. The kind of woman who knows herself, what she likes, and what she doesn’t like. The kind of woman who can immerse herself in the moment, with gratitude, and with an acceptance for who she is.
Sensuality is birthed in gratitude. Gratitude for our ability to touch, taste, see, smell, and hear. Gratitude for our bodies and the marvelous sensations we experience through them. The sensual woman wants to devour them all. To feel it all. To be embraced by them.
So, she’s grateful for her body … regardless of the size of her stomach, or the size of her thighs. Even if she’s far from her ideal weight.
She may even spend a little extra time rubbing lotion on her thick upper arms, the ones she wishes weren’t so thick, while facing herself squarely in the mirror, and still managing not to feel overcome with shame and poor body image. Instead, she accepts herself for how she is right now and bravely chooses not let her size stop her from living life passionately.
A woman fully owning her sensuality will moan in delight as a luscious drink reaches her lips; or shudder when a mouth softly brushes across her neck; she will sit outside on a clear night, wrapped in a cozy blanket, mesmerized by the stars. When a song touches her heart with poignancy, resonating to the core of her, she’s not afraid to cry. The next moment, you may find her laying in the grass with her children, finding magical shapes in the clouds. She’s alive.
And though this isn’t about sex or about getting a man, the paradox is, that this kind of woman wields so much inner power, is so scintillating, so enticing, that she can literally bring a man to his knees. Maybe it’s simply to explain a bill to her as she sits in a waiting room. Perhaps it’s to slowly remove her leather boots, or to slip off her clothes as he kisses down her spine.
She gives a gift to a man … allows him, too, to surrender in the moment, to her magnificent self-awareness, to her wild femininity. Together, they experience freedom.
And speaking to you as a big girl, now: Trust me … women of any size
can possess this.
Love is a choice, he said. You decide to love someone and stick with it. It’s simple: Be loyal and commit. Make it work.
I get loyalty. I get commitment. Though it takes a long time to reel me in enough to capture mine, once I’m there … I’m there. I’m all in.
It’s a beautiful thing when a person keeps their promises and is faithful.
But I want more than that.
See, there’s a big difference between commitment/loyalty and devotion. You can be loyal and committed without being devoted.
You can even be loyal and committed to someone you’re not truly in love with.
Devotion, however, embodiesloyalty and commitment. It’s a high aspect of love. The part of love that allows you to surrender and dedicate yourself – your time, your energy, your trust, your body, your entire heart – to a person you cherish, adore, and favor above others. The person you’ve chosen.
You’re not bound by a promise. You’re bound by the attachment you feel that far surpasses any promise you’ve made. You’re bound by the reverence you feel for the personyou love … not only the commitment you made to them.
Your other is the cause, the thing, propelling you into an extraordinary mix of euphoria, ecstatic admiration, and adoration … in a way that is consistent. This is different from the first sparks of lust. This is lasting.
With devotion, you feel purpose and meaning – in some enchanted way – simply by being with your other. They challenge you. Shake the ground below you, and invite you to look at your world in a different way … all with the intent of reminding you who you really are. Because … they see you. The real you.
It looks something like this: You’ve gone to a party together and you’re in the same crowded room, standing far from one another, talking amongst your circle of friends. With eyes locked across the room, you know what the other is thinking, feeling. Not just from years of being together and the familiarity that comes with that. No. It’s something you shared when you first met and continue to have. The smile on their face shows pride, delight, honor, and a sense of awe. They hold you in esteem, knowing they’re fortunate to have your love. The smile says you belong to one another. You share a connection that binds you in a magical, healing way.
It looks like saying “Thank you” with sincere gratitude when your other opens the door for you.
It looks like showing up when it’s hard, and telling the truth, with love.
It looks like wanting to study them, to endlessly be their student, knowing we all change along the way.
It looks like talking about your partner when they’re not with you, with pride, for all that they bring to your life. How they support you and your dreams. How they are a good parent. How they remember to strip down all the roles we play in life and see you for who you are. How they encourage you to be stronger. Wiser.
It looks like talking about your partner with this pride and respect when others are bashing their partner. This is standing up for your soul mate. This is loving them. And it’s reminding others that this kind of love is truly out there.
It looks like having an impromptu lunch together just because you don’t want to wait until the end of the day to see them.
It looks like handing them their favorite drink and holding them, allowing them to be vulnerable after a rough day.
It looks like acknowledging – and accepting – all of your partner’s quirks, all their imperfections, while seeing into their hearts and knowing who they are.
It looks like laughing in delight when they reveal a part of themselves you know isn’t completely true to their nature, and love them for thinking you didn’t notice. It looks like affectionately saying, “You can’t fool me.”
Devotion includes passion, feeling mesmerized and enraptured by the person in front of you. Maybe these feelings don’t bubble up all the time … but more often than not … they do.
He said our ideas of love are different. He said that his are rooted in reality, not fairytales. He said he had never experienced love like that.
But I have. I have experienced many parts of this … not always delivered in the whole package I’d like. Still, I know what it feels like. I recognize it. And I know I can love like this when I’m connected deeply to another.
This love is real. It exists.
It’s not a fairytale.
It’s not just in the movies.
It’s called devotion.
And it’s something you practice. That’s the choice.