Sometimes, we get down on ourselves and think – for whatever reasons – others may not find us attractive.
Attractiveness isn’t about your clothing size or your hair. It’s how you carry yourself. A sense of believing in who you are, knowing that you are special and important. That you have beauty within. And you do. We all do. It’s a matter of taking the time to remember what makes you unique. What you have to offer to this world. Getting in touch with who you really are.
After painful relationships and encounters, we’re often afraid of being rejected and disappointed again. That fear can be so powerful and so loud that it stops us in our tracks, preventing us from trusting our intuition and taking a chance. Instead, we shield parts of our hearts in the false belief that no one will ever truly accept us exactly as we are.
The more we’ve been broken-hearted, the more we protect ourselves. Eventually, it would take an extraordinarily talented ninja to penetrate our personal Great Wall of China: We’ve created our very own self-fulfilling prophesy.
Though I’m a big advocate for dating (it’s a wonderful way to learn about what you want and don’t want out of a relationship), it’s not for sissies. It’s scary. It’s hard. And if your walls are already quite high and thick, doing a bit of training before stepping into the dating scene is worthwhile.
What do I mean by training? Just like you’d train for a marathon, you can train for dating. Without this preparation, you can further injure an already strained or broken heart. While you’re single, see it as an opportunity to get to know yourself. Woo yourself. Discover and uncover who you are just in the same way you yearn for another to.
Many of us deeply wish for someone study us, to feel enthralled and entranced when they’re with us. Until we’re clear about our inner magnificence, how can we really expect another to see it? Yes, I absolutely believe that partners can hold a mirror up to us and help us accept, profoundly, our beauty.
Yet, if you feel damaged or unlovable, the first step is to gently deconstruct those self-loathing beliefs by bravely removing your heart-shield brick-by-brick to let love’s light in. And trust me, beautiful one, that light is already there. You are it.
So, take yourself on a date. Do something you like. Go to an art museum. A movie. Cook yourself a fabulous meal. Drive to the beach or up in the hills. Get a manicure. If those aren’t feasible, take a bubble bath, light candles and read a book. Or a juicy magazine. Buy some erotica if you want. Splurge on an outfit that makes YOU feel sexy. Spend time in front of the mirror, looking yourself right in the eyes, and seeing how gorgeous you are.
When we focus on ourselves and truly get to know our own bodies and our own hearts, we become centered; then, if you want someone in your life, you’ll attract the kind of person who is attracted to the real you, how you sparkle. And you’re meant to sparkle. If you don’t believe me, then believe Ms. Lauryn Hill when she sings “Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem.” (Doo Wop/That Thing) You are a gem.
If we believe no one will be attracted to us, they may not be … but not because we’re NOT attractive … but because we’ve put that vibe out. (Or worse, we’ll attract the type of person who senses that we’re not feeling 100% and take advantage of that. That won’t feel good … and we’ve all probably had that happen before. Let’s not do a repeat.)
It comes down to this: What you want from another, give to yourself. You want someone to be kind to you? Be kind to yourself. To respect you? Respect yourself. Show up for yourself.
Each time you do this, you’re taking a piece of your wall away, and allowing room for you to peek inside your fabulous heart and see just how stunning you are. And when you know, everyone else will, too.
So, go shine.
P.S. If this is an area that’s difficult for you (I know it is for many of us), then perhaps you’re interested in more exercises that could help which I offer through coaching sessions.